You thought she was “the one.” You were planning a future with her. Suddenly, she tells you it’s over. Maybe she has met someone else; maybe you had a major falling out that can’t be repaired.
Whatever the reason, you find yourself drowning in an ocean of pain, misery, and regret. If it helps at all, you are not the first to experience this, and you will not be the last.
The important thing is to begin to swim back to the surface and move forward. And here are 8 things on your “to do” list to get that accomplished.
1. Take Time to Grieve
You don’t have to play Mr. “tough guy,” at least when you are alone. You will go through a process of grief. In the end, you will re-surface with acceptance. It’s over, and it’s time to move on. No one can tell you how long this grieving process will take – everyone is different. But “lean into” all the emotional waves that come your way.
2. Don’t Make Any Major Decisions Right Now
This is not the time to quit your job or move to a new town. It’s not the time to rebound into a new relationship either. Your wounds are too fresh, and you need time to process. Keep other aspects of your life intact.
3. Cut Your Ex Off Completely
Don’t agree to be “just friends.” Erase her phone number from your contact list. Block her from your social media accounts. And block her family members too. There is just too much temptation to keep track of her, and you are only prolonging the grieving process.
4. Take On Some Old or New Interests or Hobbies
Maybe you gave up some of your outside interest during your relationship. Maybe there is something you’ve always wanted to try. Now is the time to get back to those or to try something new. Sometimes, volunteering is cathartic – helping others is a way to get outside of yourself and your problems.
5. Get Physically Active
Physical activity releases endorphins, those “feel good” hormones which elevate your mood. You don’t have to take on rigorous exercise if you aren’t used to that. Start small and gradually work up. Even vigorous walking or Yoga can achieve this effect.
6. Have Some Retail Therapy
When was the last time you went out and indulged and pampered yourself? Maybe it’s time for a new hairstyle and some new duds. When you feel good about how you look and start receiving compliments from others, your ego and self-esteem gets a boost.
7. Make a New Bucket List
You and your ex may have had a bucket list. Trash it right now. It’s time to focus on you and what you have always thought would be fun, adventurous, stimulating, and mentally rewarding. Are there places you want to visit? Do you want to go back to school? Think of those things for your future and write them down.
8. Think About Putting Yourself Out There
You are not ready for a new relationship yet. But that should not keep you from looking around for casual friendships or relationships. Access a dating app and meet single women online. It’s a nice diversion to chat with a few female singles, and it will help you get back “into the game” eventually.
A bad breakup is a terrible experience. But it doesn’t have to be the “end” of your world as you know it. Take these 8 tips and run with them.
Avoid These Things to Maintain Your Perspective And Mental Health
Things ended, and you probably have a lot of feelings about it. Your anger and disappointment are valid. Give yourself time to feel those things. But, don’t let the bitterness you feel right now take you down a dark path.
Don’t Drown Your Sorrows
After the breakup, you’re probably going to have well-meaning friends and family members offering to take you out for a drink to forget all about her. There’s not anything necessarily wrong with taking them up on this, but tread with caution.
A night out will distract you and help you connect with people who care. Just know this isn’t a long-term solution to your heartbreak. The same thing applies if you want to call up your local dealer for something special to get through the worst part of things.
Don’t Get Radicalized
The internet is full of helpful information for good men who want to make it through a breakup in a healthy way. Unfortunately, that information is often buried beneath pages of links to blog posts and articles written by snake oil salesmen, self-help grifters, and downright women-haters. Even scarier is that there are entire online communities that exist only to hero worship these creators and advocate for their hateful ideologies.
Don’t fall into that dark rabbit hole. It will be more tempting than you think. You’ll have people validating every negative thought and feeling you have about your ex, and love-bombing you with the very appealing reassurance that none of this is your fault. Be better than that, and find positive outlets instead.
You may not care that stereotyping is unfair to your ex. You should care that it’s unfair to women in general. If she behaved despicably, that’s about her character. Don’t pass your anger and resentment onto your next girlfriend or the women in your life.
Never Ignore Your Physical And Mental Health
It’s hard to care much about your mental and physical wellness when you are spiraling with anger and depression after a breakup. You may even feel tempted to ignore your wellbeing as a way to upset or worry your ex. Please don’t self-sabotage that way. Your health is more important than any temporary anger or sadness that might drive you to do things that are not in your own best interest.
Take care of yourself. Eat right. Get some exercise. That’s always good for your physical and mental health. Go outside, and if things start to feel really dark, reach out for some help.
Final: Be Mindful of Your Thoughts
Your future success in life and romance is largely influenced by your thought processes. Think big picture. If you immerse yourself in bitterness and negativity that’s going to reflect in your interactions with other people. Instead, try to keep your thoughts positive with a focus on personal improvement, accountability, and a hopeful outlook. That’s how you resurface after a bad breakup.