A fool and his words are soon parted, wrote William Shenstone in 1764; one might add that A wit and his words are rarely collected. Here is the antidote: a dazzling survey of the funniest remarks, quips and observations from Ancient Rome, the Bible and Chaucer right up to The Simpsons and The Office. More than 5,000 of the very funniest remarks to have appeared on paper since, well, paper was invented.

The lines we all wish we could have said are arranged thematically and cover all aspects of life: from the world we inhabit to the things we eat, smoke and drink; from the way we move around to what and how we learn oh, and the pointlessness of football. Within each theme, the quotationsare placed chronologically providing a real sense of the development of thoughts about each subject as well as seeing how jokes evolve over the years and, in some cases, who borrowed from whom.